Dying
by nymqhadora
Summary: What started out as a desire-driven affair between Remus Lupin and Hermione Granger ends up becoming more. Remus pushes Hermione away for her own good only to realize that he was hurting her. Tumbling back into their affair with a new understanding of each other, can Hermione and Remus have a happy ending? Underage Hermione, sexual content, intense emotions, and character death...
1. Dying

**Disclaimer: The Harry Potter world and all Harry Potter characters are not mine. I do not make any money from this.**

 **Title:** Dying

 **Rating:** Mature

 **Pairing:** Hermione Granger / Remus Lupin

 **Genre(s):** Romance / Hurt / Comfort

 **Summary:** Remus Lupin continuously goes to Hermione Granger for sex. Hermione doesn't know his motives but she knows that she has fallen for him. But Remus continuously pretends like nothing ever happened afterwards and Hermione is sick of it.

 **A/N:** _ **So this is my first fanfic on this account. I was going to start out with a multi-chapter but decided against it. So I wrote this and I'm hoping it'll just be a one-shot but you never know, I might write more. I don't have a beta at the moment. So if anyone reads this and is interested in being a beta/friend for me then please feel free to PM me. Well, I hope you like it and leave some feedback or something. But I'll understand if you don't. Enjoy.**_

- _ **S. D. G. B**_

… **-xx0xx-…**

 **Dying**

… **-xx0xx-…**

Hermione woke up to silence. It was an unsettling silence that meant only one thing. She opened her eyes and dreaded turning around to look at the other side of the bed. She knew it was empty. His warmth was gone and so were the steady sounds of his breath. Hermione turned around abruptly and she was right. He left.

Light streamed through the cracks of the dusty curtains drawing lines on the white bed sheets. Hermione forced the overwhelming feeling of anger and hurt away. She slowly got out of bed and grabbed her things to shower. She opened the door to the bedroom and was met by the loud chatter of the house's occupants who were most likely in the kitchen. Hermione wished she could be okay. She would have loved nothing more than to be able to go down there to join her friends and be okay. But she knew he was down there as well. So she snuck into one of the bathrooms and locked the door.

She started the water and began to undress. But the sight of the various bruises along her body only made her remember. She huffed indignantly and proceeded to the shower. She managed to forget everything for a few minutes but then she closed her eyes so she could wash the soap out of her hair.

 _His arms were wrapped around her waist, he was kneeling on the floor, and his head was against her abdomen. He was asking her to take away the pain, just one more time. Hermione didn't want to give in but she loved him. She knew he was going to hurt her again. He lightly brushed his lips against her skin; he knew that she would give in. He could hear her accelerated heart beat, her unsteady breathing, and he felt the shiver that went through her body when he kissed her pelvic bone. He knew better but when he was in her all the darkness went away. He dragged her modest underwear off her hips and down her body slowly, giving her ample time to protest. She didn't._

Hermione dragged a washcloth across her skin, careful to not press too hard because of the bruises. She desperately wanted to make them go away but she couldn't use her magic and she didn't want to ask for a potion. She didn't want anyone to know or see what was littering her body. Hermione quickly rinsed herself of soap and turned off the water. She didn't want to spend another minute alone and naked. She hurriedly dressed and towel dried her hair before stepping out of the bathroom. She could still hear the chatter from downstairs.

Hermione slung her towels over a chair in the bedroom she was sleeping in so they could dry. She never could quite feel comfortable in Grimmauld Place. She grabbed her wand and stuffed it into her jeans pocket. She glared at the messy bed, it was a reminder and she just wanted to forget. She huffed and stalked out of the bedroom. She mustered whatever courage she could and descended the stairs.

When she entered the kitchen where everyone was pleasantly eating and chatting she couldn't help but smile. She loved this. This was home. No matter how bad things were getting the people she loved and cared about the most never ceased to be vibrant and inviting. Hermione walked across the kitchen to grab a plate of food but Mrs. Weasley beat her to it and handed her a plate piled with food. She smiled and said thanks. Mrs. Weasley patted her shoulder and Hermione tried her best not to cringe. She didn't get to check just where all her bruises were but she knew that there was one there now that she felt it. Hermione sat next to her friends Harry and Ron. She tried her best to move normally but she couldn't deny the ache in her lower limbs.

Hermione managed to eat and chat happily with her friends for awhile but when Ron and Harry started to talk about Quidditch she couldn't help but disengage herself from the conversation. She sipped at the orange juice that Mrs. Weasley had handed her but she froze when she heard his voice. She was so busy listening to Harry and Ron that she didn't really listen to what everyone else was talking about. She avoided looking at his side of the table the whole time. In fact, she pretended he wasn't there but when she allowed herself to listen, he was there.

She put her cup of orange juice down and tried her best to seem normal. But she could feel the anger in her bones. She gripped her fork and moved her head rigidly. She didn't want to hear his voice. She didn't want him to be there.

"Hermione," Hermione froze in her seat, blinked, and looked towards him.

"Yes?" she managed to ask. He looked…unaffected. She desperately wanted to punch him in the face.

"I have that book you were asking about. Would you like to take a look at it later?" Remus Lupin said casually taking a bite of his pancakes. Hermione felt her heart skip a beat and everyone near him was staring at her. Yes, she wanted to punch him in the face.

"Yes, thank you!" she forced a smile and hoped that no one noticed how uncomfortable she was. He smirked at her and Hermione turned back to her food suddenly feeling very nauseous. She began to talk to Harry and Ron again hoping that the distraction would help her calm down. But the loud sound of Tonks laughing and Remus chuckling made her turn her head. Tonks and Remus were smiling at each other. They were laughing and Tonks was holding onto his arm almost affectionately. Hermione had to look away. She couldn't stand it. Her stomach clenched, her chest ached, and she had the sudden urge to run. She turned to look at them again only to see Tonks resting her head on his shoulder. Hermione looked down at her food and concluded that she needed to get out of there.

She talked with Harry and Ron for a few more minutes before announcing that she wasn't feeling well and that she was going to go back upstairs. Mrs. Weasley asked her if she needed anything and Hermione assured her that she just needed to lie down. Once out of the kitchen Hermione bolted up the stairs wanting to get as far away from everyone as she could. She rushed to her room and closed the door behind her. Breathing heavily Hermione slid to sit on the floor against the door. The images of Tonks and Remus were flashing through her head and she felt like she couldn't breathe. She hit the floor with her fists in frustration and refused to let herself cry. She hated him. She hated him so much. She hated him for making her feel like this, for making her feel weak. She hated him for making her care enough to be jealous. She _hated_ him.

 _Remus pulled her to him and kissed her roughly. Soon enough Hermione had melted into his kiss and she gasped when he bit her lip. His fingers were pressing into her skin so hard that she knew there were going to be bruises. There were always bruises._

Hermione put her head against the door and whimpered. She could feel the tears form in her eyes and her throat tighten because she knew she didn't hate him. Being with him was like a religion. Being with him took her to places no one else could. She only felt alive when he was in her, rutting against her in the most erotic way. Her legs would wrap around him so that she could bring him deeper inside her. She would offer herself wantonly to him just to feel like he loved her, even if it was for only a little while. When he would come to her and beg her for her body she felt wanted, loved. And then he would leave as if it never happened. He never acknowledged it when they weren't in the bedroom together. He would lightly touch her in the library, he would make eye contact in passing, and he would smirk at her in a knowing way but he never voiced aloud what they did. Hermione hated it. Hermione hated feeling like she was nothing to him. She hated being used for sex. She hated that he would flirt with Tonks and then come fuck her when everyone else was asleep.

 _ **Knock. Knock.**_

Hermione jumped away from the door and stared at it. Someone knocked again.

"Who is it?" Hermione called. Her voice trembled a bit and she cursed herself for it.

"Remus," that voice said. The voice that managed to turn Hermione into a moaning mess. The voice that moaned when Hermione pressed her lips against the head of his cock.

"What do you want?" Hermione barely managed to speak loud enough for him to hear through the door. There was a pause and then the door was being opened. Remus took one look at Hermione and stepped into the room. He closed the door behind him and then turned back to her. She stood with her arms crossed and Remus had an overwhelming urge to hold her. But the look in her eyes warned him against it.

"Are you okay?" he asked. Hermione bit the inside of her lip. She was fuming. He just walked in like it was okay. He closed the door like it was okay. He asked her a question about her wellbeing like it was okay. She just wanted him to leave. She didn't want to talk to him. She didn't want to look at him. "Hermione." Hermione could feel her hands shaking. She gripped her arms so that he wouldn't see. She could barely keep looking at him. "Did I hurt you?" Hermione wanted to scream. Her jaw clenched as he took a step forward. "Hermione."

"Just go," Hermione managed to say. She turned away from him, walking over to her bedside table to move around her books, to be doing something.

"Hermione, I…"

"No! I don't want to talk to you. I don't want to look at you. I don't want anything to do with you!" Hermione choked out, spinning around, and sighing loudly. There was silence. Her hands were shaking uncontrollably now. She heard footsteps and then the door open and close. She looked to where he had been standing. He was gone. Hermione let out a desperate sob. She put her hand over her mouth as she began to sob uncontrollably. It hurt. It hurt so much. She never did understand when she would read in novels that heartbreak felt like a knife to the heart. But now she did understand. Because it felt like dying.

… **-xx0xx-…**


	2. Breaking

**Disclaimer: The Harry Potter world and all Harry Potter characters are not mine. I do not make any money from this.**

 **Title:** Dying

 **Rating:** Mature

 **Pairing:** Hermione Granger / Remus Lupin

 **Genre(s):** Romance / Hurt / Comfort

 **Summary:** What started out as a desire-driven affair between Remus Lupin and Hermione Granger ends up becoming more. Remus pushes Hermione away for her own good only to realize that he was hurting her. Tumbling back into their affair with a new understanding of each other, can Hermione and Remus have a happy ending? Underage Hermione, sexual content, intense emotions, and character death...

 **A/N:** _Okay, I apologize for the author's note in the previous chapter. I had put this story up before on a different account but had to delete that account due to personal reasons but I'm back into writing and put it back up under a new account. I forgot to change the author's note in the word document and ended up posting it with an old note. Okay, well first of this entire story is five parts. I already had four parts written. It was just the ending that remained unfinished. So despite some of you wanting this to be a one-shot for whatever reason, it isn't. So those of you that wanted more can rejoice and sigh in relief because there is more. If you are somewhat upset about this only being five parts/five chapters I am planning on writing more fanfiction. My main fandom is Harry Potter, that is usually what I write fanfiction for but I have dabbled in writing MCU fanfiction and I do intend to in the near future. I also write fanfiction with OCs, so if you stick around you'll end up seeing some of that. I have one beta, she's my best friend, but I don't ask her to beta that often due to her schedule. All my stories are proofread by me so please ignore any errors. If you have some issues of how certain things are written, I appreciate it if you point it out, but most of the time I intend to write it like that. I am not great at grammar or syntax and I never paid much attention to it because I never liked having rules for the way I write. Anyways, I hope you enjoy! And thank you to everyone who reviewed and are interested in this story. I apologize in advance because this chapter is short. Yeah._

 _SDGB_

…

Breaking

…

Remus Lupin knew how dying felt. He felt it every day. He knew what it was like to be broken beyond repair. When Hermione looked at him he could see the damage he was creating. He didn't know that one look could make him feel like he was breaking all over again. He had no excuse. He had no one else to blame. This was him. This was all him.

 _He could see Hermione breaking under his fingers but he pressed on determined to watch her shatter. He had pinned her wrists against the wall but she made no protest. His nose was in her hair, breathing her in like oxygen. She could have screamed. She could have fought. But she didn't. Remus didn't intend for this to happen. He never saw Hermione as an object of desire. But it was near the full moon and she just happened to be there when he so desperately needed release. And she was heavenly. Intoxicating. Remus rubbed himself against her backside. Rutting against her like an animal in heat. He didn't put his hands anywhere but on her wrists. He didn't take off any of his clothes or hers. When he was done, they both stood there, breathing heavily and unsure of what just happened._

Hermione came back to him the second time, begging for her own release. And when Remus tasted her, felt her, buried himself in her, he needed her. Remus saw her break. He saw her slowly start to decay every time he touched her. He wanted to stop. He needed to stop. But he kept coming back to her. And he couldn't admit out loud that he loved her. It would destroy him.

"No! I don't want to talk to you. I don't want to look at you. I don't want anything to do with you!" He watched Hermione break. He knew from the beginning that he created his own disasters. And looking at her, he knew that he wasn't worth the recovery. Remus opened the door and walked out, closing it behind him. He heard her cry and wished he could just take it all back. He knew she was dying. He knew that pain. He knew that sound. He had been there many times before. And now she was feeling that way. He had corrupted a child. He had destroyed something so pure and innocent. Was he just as bad as Greyback? What was he doing? Why did he do it?

Remus rested his head against her door still hearing her muffled sobs. It was killing him. He needed to do something. He needed to know that she wasn't broken. He needed to repair his damage. He needed her to know that he would never let her be beyond repair.

Remus opened her door, walked inside, and closed it behind him. He looked at her and went to her, wrapping his arms around her. He held her close. He couldn't hear anything but the beating of his own heart. She clung to his arm, burying her face in his neck. He could feel her crying against his skin. He wouldn't let her break. Not now. Not ever.

…


	3. Lying

**Disclaimer: The Harry Potter world and all Harry Potter characters are not mine. I do not make any money from this.**

 **Title:** Dying

 **Rating:** Mature

 **Pairing:** Hermione Granger / Remus Lupin

 **Genre(s):** Romance / Hurt / Comfort

 **Summary:** What started out as a desire-driven affair between Remus Lupin and Hermione Granger ends up becoming more. Remus pushes Hermione away for her own good only to realize that he was hurting her. Tumbling back into their affair with a new understanding of each other, can Hermione and Remus have a happy ending? Underage Hermione, sexual content, intense emotions, and character death...

 **A/N:** _Thank you to those of you who have reviewed this story. I really appreciate it! And thanks for the favorites and follows! This chapter is longer and I hope you enjoy it!_

 _-SDGB_

…

Lying

…

Remus was a mess when Sirius died. It had been several months now but he still felt the pain of losing his only living best friend, shortly after he had just come back into his life. When Remus told Sirius about what he did to Hermione, he was understanding but adamant about her safety. Sirius pointed out, at the time, that Hermione was barely going into her fifth year at Hogwarts. He didn't approve of what happened between his best friend and Hermione. He had half a mind to go straight to Dumbledore and confess what Remus had confided in him. But Sirius knew Remus better than Remus knew himself. Sirius knew that he would never willingly endanger someone's life or integrity but he knew that Remus sometimes wasn't in control of his actions or emotions. So he made Remus swear that he wouldn't do anything like that again with anyone underage and especially with Hermione. Remus had agreed and he forgot about what had happened for awhile but then death happened and Sirius was gone.

Remus was crumbling and disintegrating in his grief and frustration. He had drunk a bit of fire whiskey and was in no right mind to be making any respectful decisions. It was that moment that Hermione approached Remus asking for him to pleasure her. He refused and tried to push her away but the look in her eyes was consuming and he let himself get lost in her. And that's how the addiction started. Remus only felt okay when he was with Hermione and having sex with her managed to keep his monsters at bay when he wasn't around her. He didn't mean for it to go this far. He was a broken man, and broken men did bad things.

He fell in love with her. Her smile made him smile. Her eyes made him feel whole again. And her determination to never break down made him feel like he was on stable ground. In every way he loved her but just the same, he loathed her. He knew he didn't really hate her. It was the idea of her that made him angry and frustrated. He didn't want to be in love with someone so much younger than him. He didn't want to be in love. People in love did stupid things, reckless things. He hated the idea of her because he knew he could never really be with her and he knew that he would never allow himself that. He hated her for making him love her.

He foolishly thought that maybe he would feel something with Tonks but her touch did nothing. She was an admirable and attractive woman but Remus felt nothing when he was with her just a platonic sense of respect and vague friendship. He didn't think. He didn't think that Hermione would be bothered by him interacting with Tonks but he was clearly wrong. He saw right through her excuse to go lie down. He didn't know. He didn't know.

"Hermione," Remus said breathlessly as she clung to his neck, her lips brushing against his pulse. Remus was still holding her and Hermione was now silently crying. He could feel her damp face against his skin, a tear every now and then dropping onto his shoulder. He didn't know that she felt so strongly about their relationship. Every time he saw her, he was convinced that he was destroying something sacred and that she, a child, didn't understand, couldn't understand what he felt when he was around her. Now that Remus thought about it, he was never there for the aftermath. He left before Hermione woke up, not knowing her reaction or what she was thinking when she saw that he was gone. In fact, he never asked her about what she was feeling. He would come in, beg, and she would give in. He felt bile rise into his mouth. He was a monster. He was a monster who couldn't see past his own tragedies.

"Please," he heard Hermione whisper against his neck. She could almost hear him thinking. She hated the silence. She wanted him to say something, anything other than her name. She wanted him to know. He had to know. If she didn't tell him she loved him, the pain would continue. But then she thought about the way Tonks was looking at Remus. Hermione was a child, she knew this. She also knew that despite her brightest hopes, a relationship with Remus would never be accepted by anyone she loved. Tonks was an adult. Tonks was funny and valiant. Tonks could make Remus happy, really happy. Remus had a chance with Tonks to be happy. Tonks was everything Hermione wished she could be. Hermione firmly believed that if Remus followed her and continued this messed up affair, he would never be happy.

"Please what?" Remus whispered gently. Remus dimly hoped that Hermione would declare her love for him because that's what he wanted to do. Hermione drew away from his neck to look him in the eyes. Remus didn't know what he saw there. There was a hardness that was usually a sign of her determination but there was hollowness in her eyes that made Remus feel empty.

Hermione took a deep breath and looked down at her hands. She didn't know what she expected to see by looking into his eyes. She desperately hoped that there would be something, something to thwart her decision. But his eyes were dark and tired. He looked lost and unreachable.

"Can we please end this?" Hermione trembled. Remus stopped breathing. He was afraid to. He didn't want to make any indication that he protested what she was saying. He wanted her to be happy and if that wasn't with him, he could let her go. He didn't want to. He desperately didn't want to but he wouldn't keep her prisoner any longer. He would free her of his woes if it meant that she no longer was in danger of breaking because of him. Remus nodded jerkily drawing away from her and moving towards the door.

"I'm sorry," he blurted out as his hand wrapped around the doorknob. Hermione watched him stand there, not turning the doorknob.

"For what?" Hermione couldn't help but ask. A sliver of hope was clawing at her chest as she waited for his answer. Remus felt his mouth go dry and his feet suddenly felt like lead. But he decided, promised, that he would lie.

"Using you," he managed to rasp. He hated this. He wanted her to know that he believed she was worth the heavens and more but lying meant that he didn't have to watch her break.

Hermione pressed a hand to her mouth to hide the sob that forced its way up her throat. Remus wasn't looking at her and Hermione was glad. She didn't want him to see the mess she was becoming. She could feel the last bursts of hope flash and then fade away inside her as she realized what was happening. She wouldn't hold him back with her childish fancies, she told herself. She was going to lie because lying meant she didn't have to see him dying. She could imagine him wasting away if she held him back. And he had been wasting away for years now. He needed to be rebuilt and who better to do that then the burst of sunshine that was Nymphadora Tonks.

"It doesn't matter," Hermione insisted. She swallowed the lump in her throat as she continued, "it meant nothing."

Remus turned the doorknob and walked out, closing the door behind him.

...

The beginning of Hermione's sixth year at Hogwarts came and went. She drowned herself in schoolwork and used the rest of her energy to maintain social relationships with her friends. She dreaded being alone. When she was alone she thought about Remus and she couldn't allow herself to continue to be depressed about it.

Hermione tried to be interested in the boys in her year. She believed for a brief moment that she could learn to love Ron in a romantic way but she didn't feel it. She didn't feel weak at his touches. She didn't revel in his presence. She didn't feel any passion at all towards him and she gave up on that quickly, amending to just be his friend.

Hermione realized that no one at Hogwarts appealed to her. She had no obvious reactions to anyone that would indicate that she could possibly like them. Then the dreams started.

Hermione would wake up sweaty and her sheets intertwined around her legs. But worst of all she would wake up incredibly aroused and her core dripping wet. She dreamt about Remus. She relived every passionate encounter they shared and she hated it. He wasn't even there but he still managed to reduce her to a wanton slut at just the memory of him touching her. He was the only one she wanted.

Hermione became irritable at this and avoided everyone. Harry, though preoccupied with his own stuff, did notice that Hermione was rather emotional lately. He thought it was because Ron started dating Lavender Brown. He tried to spend as much time with Hermione as he could but she often ran from him or told him that she was busy. So Harry left her alone hoping that she would open up to him in her own time.

Hermione avoided Harry because he tried to figure out what was wrong with her and he constantly mentioned Ron and Lavender Brown. Hermione wasn't bothered that Ron was dating Lavender Brown. Hermione was angry and frustrated that Ron could easily date someone and even like them. He was free to love who he wanted and Hermione felt like she was being held back by invisible chains. She desperately wanted to feel something for anyone other than Remus. She wanted a boy to kiss her and help her forget about the werewolf but she knew it would be futile.

…

Hermione was daydreaming, wandering the halls as the sun began to set, when she got the letter. The owl dropped the envelope on her head and flew off. Hermione grumpily picked up the letter and opened it. It was addressed to her but there was no sender. Hermione took out the piece of parchment, unfolded it, and read what it said.

 _Hermione,_

 _I have spent most of the week trying to figure out what exactly I could possibly say to amend the things I have done. I know that nothing I say or do will ever make up for what happened that night and the nights that followed but though it pains me to admit it, I lied to you. I never wanted or intended to hurt you and use you. Seeing you cry and in pain makes me sick to my stomach because I know I am a monster and I know that I am to blame. But I can't hold back and keep to myself something that I desperately wished to say to you back at Grimmauld Place. I love you. I love everything that you are and I know that it's messed up and wrong but I am selfishly afraid of what would happen if I were to lose you completely. I understand if you don't feel the same way and want to cut all ties with me, I can take it. But if you are feeling what I'm feeling, please, tell me._

 _-R_

Hermione felt a light ignite in her as if someone just flipped a switch. She couldn't identify what she was feeling. All she knew was that they were hopeless, mindless, and desperate fools. They were magnets ready to destroy everything they were.

…


	4. Fighting

**Disclaimer: The Harry Potter world and all Harry Potter characters are not mine. I do not make any money from this.**

 **Title:** Dying

 **Rating:** Mature

 **Pairing:** Hermione Granger / Remus Lupin

 **Genre(s):** Romance / Hurt / Comfort

 **Summary:** What started out as a desire-driven affair between Remus Lupin and Hermione Granger ends up becoming more. Remus pushes Hermione away for her own good only to realize that he was hurting her. Tumbling back into their affair with a new understanding of each other, can Hermione and Remus have a happy ending? Underage Hermione, sexual content, intense emotions, and character death...

 **A/N:** _Thank you so much for the support of this story! This is the fourth chapter and there's only one part left so bear with me. I hope you enjoy!_

 _-SDGB_

…

Fighting

…

Hermione could still hear Fawkes' song ringing in her head. Hogwarts felt…dead. There was no other way to describe it. Dumbledore was dead, Bill was injured, and Remus had been confronted by Tonks. A pang of guilt and jealousy hit Hermione's chest. She felt guilty because the reason Remus didn't want to marry Tonks was because of her. She felt jealous because everyone had supported Tonks and told Remus that he was being ridiculous. Remus told everyone that he didn't want to marry Tonks because he was a werewolf and he was old. It was part of the reason why. Remus had told Hermione that Tonks wasn't who he wanted.

Hermione bit at her lip and stared at the wall. She needed to get away, just for a little while. Everything was heavy on her shoulders as she thought about what was to happen. She didn't know how she was supposed to feel. She wasn't scared. She wasn't sad. She wasn't angry. She felt nothing. Hermione put her head in her hands and thought about how feeling nothing was scarier than hurting.

"Hermione," Remus watched as Hermione twitched at the sound of his voice. Everyone was busy thinking and dealing. Remus managed to get away to find Hermione, hoping that she was alone.

Hermione sniffed and looked up at Remus. He stood there against the opposite wall; they were in a secluded part of the castle. Hermione couldn't stand it. She couldn't stand him just standing there watching her like she mattered. She didn't want to matter, not to him. Because knowing that he cared for her hurt more than anything. Hermione stood on wobbly legs and stared at Remus. He met her gaze dead on. Hermione scoffed and turned away.

"Why are you doing this?" Hermione asked, her lip trembling. Remus looked down at the floor and shook his head.

"I don't know," he replied. Hermione grimaced and turned to look at him.

"You don't get to say that. You don't get to just make me care and then…" she threw her hands up and let out a rough breath, "you don't get to just cast people aside and then come back like you expect us to be waiting!" Remus watched Hermione in her frustration. He didn't know what to say. She was right and he knew it. He had no words to justify himself because he knew that everything he was doing was wrong and unfair. He wanted Hermione and that was selfish. But no matter how hard he tried to distance himself and forget about her, he couldn't. It was impossible and it hurt. It hurt more than anything he had ever felt. The feeling of needing someone so much that it destroys you.

"You're right," Remus finally said. Hermione looked at him with furrowed brows.

"What?"

"You're right. I know that this is unfair and cruel. I know that I'm hurting you," Remus swallowed and took a step towards Hermione, "I'm selfish and disgusting but I can't go a day without thinking about you. When I'm not near you, when I can't touch you, when I can't hear your voice, it kills me. I want to stop. I want to not care. But it's not that easy and I'm sure you understand that. I would love nothing more than to return Tonks' affections and give her what she wants but I can't allow myself that because it would be a lie. It would be against everything that I am. I'm a horrible person and I don't deserve you. But I love you."

There were tears going down Hermione's cheeks. Because this is what she wanted, what she needed. She needed him. She needed to hear his voice. She needed to feel his warmth. She needed to hear him say that he loved her. And she had been in pain without it but now that she had it she was still in pain if not more. Remus was touching her now. His hand was on hers and he was so close she couldn't breathe. She looked down at their hands and then she pushed him roughly away. She was breathing hard and crying but she didn't care. She pushed him again and hit him with her fists. She was jerking his body with her fists clutching at his shirt until he stopped her. He grabbed her arms and yelled for her to stop. Hermione collapsed in his arms and let herself cry.

Remus held onto Hermione not quite sure if she was okay with it. He listened to her sobs and he wrapped his arms around her. He held her to him wishing desperately that he could take her pain away. Remus felt like breaking down as well. Dumbledore was gone and he was lost. The darkness was reaching for what light he still had and he was terrified that they would take it.

Hermione held onto Remus afraid that if she let go, he would disappear. There was fire in her veins and ice in her lungs. She needed something. She needed him. She grabbed onto his shoulder, twisted in his grip, and crashed her lips against his. He responded immediately, threading his fingers in her hair and pulling her waist against him. She pushed herself against him needing him to take away everything. She wanted him to consume her, to love her so much that she no longer existed. She wanted to leave. She wanted to cease to exist. She didn't want this pain or this life. And everything hurt. Her body was on fire and every touch was like a bullet to her skin. His lips were merciless and bruising.

Remus held onto Hermione like the world depended on it. Everything disappeared and there was just her. Her soft skin made his body relax. Her sweet smell made his senses go haywire. And her lips were making him feel everything at once. He was alive.

Hermione roughly pushed away from Remus and tugged at her sleeves. They were both panting and aroused. Hermione could feel him hard against her center through his pants while they were kissing. She was wet. The brightest witch of her age came to her senses though. Everything became clear as she was biting at Remus' lip.

"I don't want this," Hermione breathed. Remus looked at her desperately. "Give Tonks what she wants. I don't want you." Remus felt everything begin to fall. Hermione tried her best to sound genuine. She didn't want to fight anymore. She didn't want to continue this stupid affair. She wanted him to be happy and she had things to do. He couldn't be a part of that no matter how much she desperately wanted him to be.

"What are you saying?" Remus gasped. He felt like his world was shattering.

"I don't love you."

…


	5. Ending

**Disclaimer: The Harry Potter world and all Harry Potter characters are not mine. I do not make any money from this.**

 **Title:** Dying

 **Rating:** Mature

 **Pairing:** Hermione Granger / Remus Lupin

 **Genre(s):** Romance / Hurt / Comfort

 **Summary:** What started out as a desire-driven affair between Remus Lupin and Hermione Granger ends up becoming more. Remus pushes Hermione away for her own good only to realize that he was hurting her. Tumbling back into their affair with a new understanding of each other, can Hermione and Remus have a happy ending? Underage Hermione, sexual content, intense emotions, and character death...

A/N: This is it! The last part to Dying. I hope you all enjoyed this story and I really appreciate all the support! Hopefully I will write some more stories if my schedule allows it. Enjoy!

…

Ending

…

Hermione gazed down at the lifeless face of Remus Lupin. His body was next to Tonks' and somehow it didn't feel right. She could burst. She wanted to scream and cry but nothing escaped her mouth. She was breaking, slowly and all at once. Her heart couldn't take it.

Hermione felt like she had died. Remus had married Tonks and they had a son. He had done what she wished but Hermione couldn't help but feel regret. One touch from him would bring her body back to life. Hearing his voice would make everything better but she knew she never would. She had lied to Remus and pushed him away. She hid her feelings so that they could go their separate ways but ending it all felt wrong.

Hermione didn't think there was any fight left in her and she knew that was stupid. When did she begin to value her life based on someone else? She was the brightest witch of her age for Merlin's sake. She shouldn't need a man to make her happy, but she didn't feel happy. She felt so overcome with emotion that she didn't know what to do. She felt everything and nothing. What was there left to feel? What was there left to do?

"Hermione, are you okay?" Ron Weasley gently touched her arm. Hermione looked at him and then she couldn't. She closed her eyes and wished for the nightmare to end.

"No, Ron, I'm not," she croaked. Her throat felt raw. How long had she been crying? Suddenly there were arms around her and she couldn't breathe. Ron rubbed her back and held onto her. Hermione looked down at the lifeless face of Remus Lupin and sagged into Ron's embrace. She was so tired. "Nothing will be the same," she whispered. Ron tightened his hold on her.

"Maybe that's a good thing," he mumbled into her hair. Hermione closed her eyes and tried to imagine a life where Remus was nowhere in it. Her chest felt heavy. Ron's embrace felt wrong but she couldn't do it anymore. She couldn't keep feeling this way. So she held onto him and hoped that one day she wouldn't feel so dead.

. . .

A/N: So, wow, it's finally over. I hope you enjoyed it!


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